I told her to hold off telling anyone, but there she goes with her big mouth. Women.
So screw a formal public announcement. Tabitha and I are getting hitched.
Yep.
Your Commander in Chief,
Jerry The Gnome
All you doubters out there can eat your words! And my shi…..well, just eat your words and be done with it, okay? Because you are dealing with the Queen-To-Be, herself! For real this time…promise!
Jerry took me out last night to a drive in movie. We saw the new Batman movie. Towards the end, there was some sort of a technical malfunction and the screen went blank. We sat in his Jeep in silence until he finished a bag of stale popcorn.
Then all the sudden he let out a belch and he says to me and I go like this:
“Hey. Y’know what?” ~ Jerry
“I know plenty of whats. What what a
re you referring to?” ~ Me
“I’m referring to the what about us getting our relationship documented on paper.” ~ Jerry
“OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! Jerry! Are you asking me what I think you’re asking me? Jerry! Are you FINALLY pulling the trigger? Are you FINALLY making me your queen? Jerry! *SQUEAL!* Are you FINALLY fulfilling your destiny and realizing I am your once and forever love? Jerry! Are you…” ~ Me cut off
“Guess so. Figure it’s time.” ~ Jerry
And that was that.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am gonna be queen of all gnomekind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most brides are little bitches when it comes to wedding planning. Not Queen Tabitha! I’ve already planned my wedding! It’s all done!
I’ve picked out my wedding china:
I’ve picked out my wedding cake:
Most importantly, I’ve picked out my ring! (shown here on professional hand model, Gnomeplaya)
I’ve also secured an extensive file of engagement photos to post in subway stations and on light poles throughout Gnomeland. Here’s a sneak peak!
Jerry said to keep this quiet until he (being almighty king and all) had a chance to make a public announcement. Well he takes too damn long and I’m too damn excited. I hope this doesn’t fuck something up for him…I mean us….everything is “us” now!
Everything is mine!!!
And love is in the air….gnomes everywhere are making out! To celebrate us! US!
I’ll keep you posted with updates about the upcoming bridal shower and bachelor/bachelorette party. Everyone is invited to come celebrate US!
Your Queen-in-Training,
Tabitha The Gnome
So I was climbing some routes today and found the most peculiar thing when I reached the summit. I would have never guessed such existed, but a voodoo priestess lives atop The Gnome Abode!
After much deliberation, I got her name. She goes by “The Lady of Mount Goom” and she looks old as shit.
She said some mumbo jumbo about cat eyes and red powder. She had a bunch of weird crystals and potions haphazardly scattered around her on the mountain peak.
I was freaked the @*&$ out and didn’t ask anything further. Just one look into those empty soul eyes and I’ll never be the same. She wears a gnome hat, but how can that be considered a gnome?
Somebody needs to go figure out what her deal is, but that somebody sure as hell isn’t gonna be me.
Never gonna get to sleep now,
Sketchy Andy The Gnome
One of our loyal gnome followers recently pointed out that we should host a movie club, as well as a book club. Well, here at The Gnome Abode, your wish is our command!
Oh you’re not sure what I’m talking about? Hmmph. In case you’re half dead and living in a pre-apocalyptic bunker, I have news for you! BIG NEWS!There’s a new gnome movie coming out!
It’s called Sherlock Gnomes and it’s the sequel to Gnomeo and Juliet!
io9 reports that “the gnomes from the first movie have to enlist the aid of a famous gnome detective to solve the disappearance of garden gnomes across England.”
Deadline reports that Kung Fu Panda Director, John Stevenson, will be directing the film, and Elton John is writing the original music.
MovieWeb reports that production will begin early next year, although the release date isn’t clear yet.
WELL, HURRY UP ALREADY! SHEESH!
I’m so happy to see such an exciting new promotion of our people and culture. Stay tuned for updates about the upcoming production start, casting, and behind the scenes footage you’ll only find HERE at www.thedrunkgnome.com.
Peace out gnomies,
We gnomes are all a lil’ tuckered out from recent travels and are in serious need of some chill time. Therefore, I am hosting the first monthly book club gathering at The Abode. Tonight!
TONIGHT’S NOVEL: The Mysterious Island by Jules Verne
WHEN TO SHOW UP: 7:28pm CST
WHAT TO BRING: Your Kindle, your literary brilliance, your sense of adventure, and your drinkin’ pants
WHAT TO WEAR: Tattered attire and soiled hats
WHAT WE’LL DRINK: Shipwrecked Cocktails
(3 oz Dr. Pepper, 1 oz Kracken Spiced Rum, 1 oz Jack Daniels Whiskey, 1/2 oz Cinnamon Schnapps)
No RSVP necessary. See ya guys in a few!
The Quick Brown Fox, The Gnome