Monthly Archives: December 2012

Scenes from the 36th Annual Festival of the Gnomes!

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We gnomes tend to be technologically challenged and slow moving. Not to mention that uploading pictures with nubby little hands is really difficult.

BUT…

We finally got our pictures from the December 1st Festival of the Gnomes uploaded!

We’re planning on writing an extensive review of the event for an upcoming International Gnome Club Newsletter, but in the meantime….we thought we’d share some pictures!

Sheldon and I attended the event which was hosted by Billie Limacher of the Bicentennial Park in Joliet, Illinois.

The event sold out! Ticket sales were at an all-time high and gnomes and gnome fans came from miles and miles to participate in this day of gnomish celebration.

There were tons of gnome crafts made by local artists. Check some of these out!

There was music…

There was a raffle for a handcrafted plush gnome doll. We didn’t win and we’re still pissed.

There was a magnificent musical play that was performed at 1:00 and 3:30pm that day.

Child actors, adult actors, and actual gnomes sang, danced, and acted out skits that were all relevant to our gnomish way of life.

I’ve never been to any event quite like this. It had absolutely everything a gnome could hope for. EXCEPT BOOZE. The only suggestion I have for the 37th Annual Festival next year is an ample supply of LaChouffe and Gnomegang.

Wish ya could have been there to experience the day with us….maybe next year….and maybe drunk.

xoxo,
Seamus The Gnome

It’s Game Night at The Gnome Abode!

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Our new favorite game is “Find Your Way Gnome”! It’s a logic puzzle game made for gnomes at least 8 years old. Gnomes under 8 years old are kinda dumb.

We split up into teams and are racing to see who can draw lines from each gnome to its corresponding-color home.

The gnomes on the left are winning because they’ve started playing. The gnomes on the right have been too tipsy and rowdy to focus on the game.

Whipped cream flavored vodka and ginger ale drinks are flowing freely throughout The Abode.

C’mon over and join. Or pick up your own!

Game on! Drink on!
Horace The Gnome

Gnome Crafts for the Holidays!

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Are you wondering what to get that special someone for Hanukkah, Christmas, or Kwanzaa this year? Don’t delay…time keeps ticking away!

Why not gnome crafts! C’mon! Everyone loves gnome crafts!

Are you good at sewing? Why not create a gnome cross stitch pattern or better yet….a plush gnome doll!?

Is your special someone a sports fan? How about an athletic gnome pennant!?

Are you an expert in glass blowing? Surely, someone out there is, right? Why not create a beautiful and functional paperweight in the shape of a gnome hat?!

Are you a good cook? How ’bout whipping up a batch of gnome chocolates to satisfy your loved one’s sweet tooth?!

Are you still stumped? If so, you’re probably REALLY DUMB! But we gnomes are good natured creatures and we’ll try to help you anyway. Let us know if you need some more gift suggestions….we have millions!

Fa la la la la, la la la la
Lurleen Lumpkin, The Gnome

Gnome Band, Amish Meth Lab, Opens for The Smashing Pumpkins!

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE                    [December 11, 2012]

Gnome Band, Amish Meth Lab, Opens for The Smashing Pumpkins!

The All State Arena is proud to present nationally known gnome band, Amish Meth Lab, in concert TODAY at 11:39pm. Tickets are $984.01 and available by sending a wire transfer to a nameless Swiss Bank, who will upload payment to us via blog post.

Oh yeah, and some band called The Smashing Pumpkins is supposed to show up too.

There’s all kinds of hype about this last minute show. Rumors are flying that there will even be hippos in attendance. So what’s the buzz all about?

 “Its music from the heart that hits you right between the eyes.”  – Diablo de Mantequilla, The duck-riding gnome

 

”It’s hard to imagine another artist on the heavy rock/reggae/folk scene who combines the same concise, deceptively understated, lyrical insight and sometimes devastating wit with such world-class instrumental prowess.”     – Isabelle, The Cabbage Patch

 

”It’s not just a wealth of musical styles or their smooth and expressive sounds that have made them such fine artists. Their songs, which range from thoughtful to silly to poetic, show that they knows their way around the gnomish language and gnomish culture just as well as they know they way around a bottle of gin.” – Not Timmy, The Monkey

See ya at the show!
McCartney of AML

Hey Gnomes, Wanna Learn To Tango?

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WHAT IS GNOTANGO?

Gnotango is an dance studio that provides group and private dance instruction in Argentine Tango, stages professional tango performances, and sponsors tango events for gnomes of all skill levels.

While recognizing the heritage of Argentine tango, and the need to preserve its tradition, Gnotango is committed to the evolution of tango for the modern gnome.

WHO WE ARE

Chumbawamba, The Gnome is the founder and artistic director of Gnotango, and has been dancing all his life. Born and raised in Buenos Aires, Tango played a role in his life since childhood. As a tango dancer, his graceful yet innovative style stems from a fusion of ballet principles and Argentine Tango.

I Get Knocked Down, The Turtle is a producer and educator with over 14 years experience in the music, film, and event industries. She possesses an in-depth knowledge of business and the arts that she brought to her post on the Board of Governors for the Recording Academy of Arts and Science in The Gnome Abode.

CLASS SCHEDULE
MONDAY – FRIDAY 
7:00 pm to 8:00 pm     Beginner’s Class
8:00 pm to 9:00 pm     Intermediate / Advanced
9:00 pm to 11:00 pm   Practica
SATURDAY
Midnight – 4:00am Milonga La Baldosita (Tango Party)
(includes 5 complimentary beverages)
FAQ
  •  Where are you located?
      • The grand ballroom in the alley to the left of the used phone store
  • What should I wear?
      • As little as possible. Tango is supposed to be sexy. Undress to impress.
  • What about shoes?
      • The highest heels you can find. Yes, this applies to both male and female gnomes.
  • Do I need to bring a partner?
      • Not if you have social skills and have the ability to hook up with another lonely stranger.

TESTIMONIALS
“My life meant nothing until I started going to Gnotango! I have since stopped eating my own hair and I’ve tossed out the shoebox of old toenail clippings under my bed!”  – Cowabunga The Gnome
 
 
“I had no self-confidence before I started going to Gnotango. I was so nervous on my first day. After just two classes, I lost 23 grams of fat and grew a new and improved nose!” – Lurleen Lumpkin The Gnome
 
Contact us TODAY for your FREE introductory trial class with Gnotango! Your life probably sucks, so honestly….what do you have to lose?! See you on the dance floor!
Your dance instructors,
Chumbawamba (The Gnome) and (I Get Knocked Down The Turtle)