Small Town Gnoming: You Gnomed, We Gnoticed

Hey cowboys…it’s your favorite badass biker chick, Trixie, here. I know you miss me, and I miss you too. It’s hard keeping up with blogging when you’re out on your hog all the time. Sadly, summertime is coming to an end so it seems my rides will become fewer and farther between 🙁

I just got back from an epic ride around Starved Rock State Park. For gnomes that live in this very dull corner of the world, the park is one of the most beautiful you can find in riding distance. There were a TON of bikers out and about when I cruised through.

Starved rock

In a weird little place called Ottowa, I made a few friends. This place was a great example of gnomes and humans existing in small town harmony. Human yards were filled with gnomes here, and gnomes expressed genuine pleasure about their lives.

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I chatted with a few of these dudes and we set out to find a place to watch the Bears game. We could only find one sports bar open, which unfortunate. Although it was crowded with drunk, yelling humans, we don’t take up much room and were able to squeeze in and up to the bar. The selection was meh, but the company made up for it.

I’ve biked through a lot of places, but small towns like Ottowa, Illinois seem to be the most gnome friendly. Do you live in a gnome-friendly town? If you don’t, I would suggest packing up and moving immediately. Gnome-friendliness is a sure sign of an overall good place to call home.

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Rev up your engines for another ride, gnomies, because the sun is shining and the next journey is ON!

Trixie the Gnome

P.S. – Rumor has it that the next journey is in a place that begins with “Tex” and ends with “as.”

Gnome Beer Week! September 18th – 21st!

Are you as pumped for Gnome Week as we are?! It’s September 18th – 21st, so get ready!

Gnome week


It’s sponsored by our favorite brewery of all time, La Chouffe. There’s a list of gnome-friendly bars that are participating….check it out!

We gnomes will be in Texas during this time and we’re mad as hell that there are no participating bars in the Lone Star State. C’mon cowboys, pick up the slack!

This is very exciting news for us over here and we’re getting too frantic to type straight.

Gnome beer!



Dumblebore the Gnome

Row, row, row your boat (of gnomes)

We’re short, we’re pudgy, and we don’t exactly give off an athletic vibe. But believe it or not, we’ve recently gotten into rowing.

We read an article the other day about a gnome-powered dragon boat in Australia. Those crazy Australian gnomes are so adventurous. Apparently, these gnomes in a boat are rowing their way all the way to a whimsical celebration of Canberra’s centenary year. Although I’m pretty sure there are no real dragons in Australia, these wacky nuts have been rocking the boat since 1994.


If you slack on everything else today, don’t slack on this. Head over to the boat club’s website and check out some of these amazing gnome pics.

According to club president, Joe Murphy, “The gnome uniforms don’t quite adhere to the strict regulations for a formal regatta, but they’re fairly representative of the eclectic personalities in our club.”

If you’re in the area, these boat gnomes will be hanging out on the water this weekend – September 14th and 15th. Unfortunately, I have a prior engagement this weekend, so snap some pics for me if you make it!

Meanwhile, we’ll be on the rowing machine at the gym. Now don’t hate. Not all of us can be buff Aussies straight out of the ceramic mold. We’ll be rowing a real boat soon too…you just wait.

Yours in strength and soreness,
Horace the Gnome

Gnome Collection World Record Holder, Ann Atkin, is our hero!

Happy Friday, Gnomies!

If you do one thing right today, do this. Watch this BBC interview with our hero, Ann Atkin. She has an amazing story and there is so much gnome eye candy in the background of this interview.


She has over 2,000 gnomes in her English reserve and we want to visit with each and every one of them more than anything in the world. Why are flight prices to Europe so dang expensive?! It’s not like we even take up a whole seat on the plane!

Le sigh.

I’m going to go drown my financial sorrows away in a flask of rum and watch that video a few more times.

Kamikaze the Gnome


Gnomes Popping Up In Weird Places: Trend Report

This is your official gnome news reporter here, just doing my job. I hope all you lazy asses enjoyed your holiday off yesterday.

Gnome sightings are nothing uncommon these days, but I can’t help but notice an increase in weird places they’re popping up lately. For decades, I’ve been keeping up with stories about gnome theft and mysterious placements in countries around the world.

Perhaps you’ve wrongly assumed that humans are transplanting these gnomes from one location to another. Perhaps you’re wondering why we appear (and make news) in obscure locations on a regular basis.

Well, why do you go on vacation? Why do you get in your car and head to the suburbs on a Sunday afternoon? We have our reasons too. And frankly, they’re none of your goddamn business.

Take for example, the gnome homes that started popping up in Overland Park, Kansas.KS home

Or the gnome that was found run with interior electrical wires cut at the ends in Hanover, New Jersey.

Or maybe the 50+ gnomes that showed up (in protest?) at a water treatment plan in Parry Sound, Ontario.

ParryCASheesh, humans. We’re just going about our active lives…THIS ISN’T NEWS! Do we write a story every time any one of you head down to Disney World for a couple days? NO!

See, we pretend to be irritated at all the media attention, but truth be told…we’re media whores just like you. We learned it from your celebrities, and it seems to be working out A-OK for them.

Keep writing about us, and we’ll keep on traveling. Deal and done.

SpeakNoGnome the Gnome