Category Archives: Gnome Scout Sightings

Have YOU Made Your Gnomers’ Day (December 1, 2012) Reservations Yet?

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I know you’ve all already marked your calendars, but just a reminder…..our national holiday, World Gnomers’ Day is quickly approaching!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 1ST, 2012!!!!!!!!!

We just received our tickets today for the 36th Annual Festival of the Gnomes in Joliet, Illinois!

Sent to gnomes from gnomes. Just the way it should be. This world-renown festival will feature a live show, gift shop, craft-making areas, raffles, artwork, music, AND SO MUCH MORE!

We’re so excited that we think you should join us! Tickets may be reserved by calling the park office at 815-724-3760 or e-mailing [email protected].

Not sure what Gnomers’ Day is all about? This special day was created to honor collectors of gnomes. Well, duh. This totally informative article gives some great tips about how to prepare for the upcoming holiday:  

To prepare for December 1st and Gnomers’ Day …

  • Plan to have coffee with other collectors or even friends who are not collectors. How could anyone not enjoy your Gnomes and a special get-together on such a special day?
  • Place Gnomes on your dining tables, and think about moving others around a bit. They like a change of scene, too. Spruce up those needing a gently-wiped face and hands.
  • Send a copy of this write-up to the editors of your local newspapers. They may be willing to mention the day if enticed by the colorful heading!
  • If you have a Gnome-shaped cookie cutter, bake cookies. Bake a cake and decorate it with a Gnome design. Use a Gnome cookie cutter to press the shape onto the cake’s top, then fill in the shape with icings. (A cake pan maker was been asked to consider making a Gnome; no response yet.)
  • If you’ve saved Gnome pictures and cards (like most of us), frame some for year-round pleasure. It doesn’t matter if they have a holiday theme, because Gnomes are never out of season.

Not gonna be around Joliet, Illinois on December 1st? No sweat! There’s plenty of other options for you to celebrate with us in spirit! Here’s a few suggestions:

Get ready, get set, and go celebrate us!
Speak No Gnome, The Gnome

Is Les Claypool Really a Gnome?

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Remember me? I’m the cello player from the gnome band, Amish Meth Lab! You don’t? Whatever. You aren’t very memorable yourself.

As a musician, I’m always on the lookout for good gnome music. One of our newest gnome scouts introduced me to a new song today. It’s called “Granny’s Little Yard Gnome” by Les Claypool.

It’s an absolutely brilliant song! Now that you’ve watched the video, take a glance over the lyrics:

Content to stand alone
Waiting, watching, guarding Granny’s home
His face reflecting simple joy
But he is not a happy
Plaster boy “Careful sonny, not too close
Unless you want a lethal dose Of hardening…”
Patiently waiting for some shade
Wishing he could run away
Suppressing any urge to roam
Such devotion from a little gnome
I once saw a calico that thought he could fly
And then the lanky Doberman that tinkled in my eye
A pacifist by nature, with amble common sense
But if I had my druthers, I’d rather be a fence
Now Granny, she’s a good one, she shines me now and then
And come around this springtime, I’m due for paint again
On keeping Granny comfy, I try and earn my keep
I’m just wishing I had some eyelids, so I could get some sleep

He gets us! He really gets us! All this time I thought Mr. Claypool was a human. But there is no way that a human could write with such gnomish compassion and understanding. No, sir.

I hereby promote the theory that Les Claypool is really a gnome. A gnome in disguise as a human. It’s a very convincing disguise.

Discuss.

Your drummer and resident conspiracy theorist,
Starr The Gnome

A Garden Gnome Theme Park? In Germany!?

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Surely, a field trip to Germany is in order!

It has recently come to our attention that there is an garden gnome theme park in Trusetal, Central Germany. According to NorthJersey.com,

“The Garden Gnome Theme Park with more than 2,000 garden gnomes is visited by more than 100,000 people each year.”

Here’s a shot of some of our distant relatives living in the theme park. Looks like the conditions are pretty crowded, don’t you think? Silly Germans never learn.

Look! Gnomes over there are drunk just like us! Chug-a-lug, buddy!

And this is a shot of some German chick, Birgit Leinhas, cleaning one of the gnomes in the park.

EXCUSE ME, BIRGIT! WE CAN CLEAN OURSELVES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Your new field trip coordinator,
Seamus The Gnome

NOW AVAILABLE: International Gnome Club Newsletter – 3rd Edition of 2012

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Hey guys!

I was so delighted to find the latest edition of the International Gnome Club newsletter in my inbox when I opened up my email this morning!

Check it out! – GnomeNewsIsssue3-2012

We at The Gnome Abode don’t have access to very many international print newspapers yet, so we really rely upon the news in these newsletters that come several times a year.

In case you’re pressed for time today, here’s a few highlights:

  1. Gnomers Day is December 1st! What are YOU doing to celebrate? Tons of ideas are listed in here!
  2. Order your gnome Christmas cards and 2013 calendar now! Promote Jesus day and know what day Jesus day is!
  3. Printable gnome banner inside!
  4. Collectible item gift ideas galore!

We always welcome article suggestions for upcoming gnome club newsletters. Let us know if you have any!

Interested in becoming a member of the International Gnome Club? Oh c’mon, sure you are! Joining is easy! Check out this link!

Your Awesome Gnome Librarian,
The Quick Brown Fox, The Gnome

Gnomes Behind Bars: Hard time for hard crimes

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Most of us gnomes at The Abode spend our time in bars. You know, the ones with rows and rows of liquor bottles, endless shots, and if you’re lucky….a pool table. The fun kind!

Other gnomes aren’t quite so fortunate. They spend their lives BEHIND bars instead of INSIDE THEM. Sucks to be them, right?!

It’s a little known fact that gnomish society has a prison in each providence. The nearest prison to The Gnome Abode is located at the corner of North Avenue and Oakley Avenue. While passing by today to get my shoes shined at the local cobbler shop, I had to pass by the local prison.

Check out this poor sap. Pushing a wheelbarrow. Surrounded by weeds and ceramic sculptures. And behind bars.

I don’t know what this bastard did to deserve such a punishment, but it must have been something horrendous. Gnomes fairly uphold the truth and the law in all circumstances. Except when we’re drunk, of course.

Stay out of trouble this weekend, kiddos.

Sincerely,
SpeakNoGnome The Gnome