Exhibit #1: A bread gnome
Exhibit #2: Banana gourd gnomes
Exhibit #3: Chocolate Gnomes
Exhibit #4: Gnome Cupcakes
Exhibit #5: Strawberry gnomes
I’m freaking starving. Who’s feeding me lunch?
The Book of Genesis, The Gnome
One of our most favorite Gnome Scouts (who goes by the name, Much) located this amazing photograph on Pintrest. We are dying to know who this man is and where he is located so that we can stalk him.
His gnome community looks amazing and we need to make best friends with each and every one of them. We will travel anywhere to meet him. He may actually be a freakishly tall gnome himself!
Anyone with any information whatsoever should comment on this post.
Puhleeeze!!!
X’Smores The Gnome
Our master and goddess of all gnomekind, Gnomeplaya, has even gotten her human parental units interested in our culture! No joke! What amazing influence she has upon us, our society, and everyone everywhere!
With no provocation whatsoever, Female Parental Unit and Male Parental Unit journeyed to the small town of Strasburg, Illinois. This middle-of-nowhere location was rumored to be a “gnome-themed town” with more than 500 of the mystical garden creatures living in gardens around the village’s businesses and houses.
According to an official report filed by Female Parental Unit and Male Parental Unit:
We remembered an article that we’d read a couple of years ago in the Champaign News-Gazette about Strasburg (about 45-50 minutes south of Arthur) having lots of gnomes. So–today we went to Strasburg to check out the gnomes. There really weren’t many. We were disappointed. But–I took some photos of the few they had and will try to send them to you. They had 2 painted gnomes on buildings–one on a concession stand at the ballpark and at the bank. There were 2 statues at the sign coming into town and one in front of the Community Bldg.
They were disappointed?!? Aw shucks. Sounds like we all need to pitch in and beef up Strasburg’s reputation! A call to ceramic arms!
What other gnomie homies are down for a restoration road trip this weekend? Hit up my cell!
Oh yeah, and Happy Friday Gnomies!
Leonardo The Gnome
BREAKING GNEWS
(brought to you by your Gnome King and the letter V)
There has been a security breach in The Gnome Abode. Windows have been shattered. Rocks have been used in a malicious manner. And worst of all, the landscaping has been trampled by what can only be assumed to be a beast.
BEAST!
Details, specifics, and anything actually substantial have not yet been released by the GPD, however, we all know something’s up.
An army of gnome security guards have been hired to stand guard outside The Abode in a most terrifying manner.
I don’t know what they plan to do with those shovels, but I’m most certainly not going to find out the hard way.
I went to the cupboard to see if there were any of those delicious sugar cookies left that they made over the weekend. Instead of scrumptious frosted goodness, this is what I found in their place!
Are we under attack? Who are our enemies? Why didn’t I know about this sooner?!
Sleepless in the Abode,
Jerry The Gnome King
Allow me to introduce you to a town in the middle of nowhere that goes by the name – Olney, Illinois.
Our Master and Goddess, Gnomeplaya, mentioned a long time ago that she was born in this random place. That alone makes it a magical place.
Olney is “famous” for it’s albino squirrels. Hey, c’mon….every place has got to famous for something, right?!
A couple of the guys and I decided to take the Jeep out for a road trip this past weekend to discover the magic first hand. It is no wonder that Gnomeplaya has ruled all of Gnomekind for so long. Her very own place of birth has a city park that features and entire GNOMEVILLE!
We introduced ourselves to the gnomes living in Olney’s Gnomeville. They had a bit of a southern accent and liked shitty beer, but they were definitely a bunch of alright ole chaps.
It was freaking 95 degrees, but these diligent bastards just kept on working their fields. Shit. We got it easy at The Abode. I better count my lucky stars. Oh yeah….you can see stars down here too!
Southerners sure are sports fanatics. They kicked our asses in every game which way imaginable.
The gnomes in Olney are the primary caretakers for this rare breed of albino squirrels. They slather SPF 105 on their pasty fur at least once an hour just to keep them from becoming common, boring squirrels.
Their houses were exquisitely built and welcoming. I’ve started to develop some new interior design ideas for our own place when we get back home and convince Gnomeplaya make a stop at Gnome Depot for essential supplies.
These gnomes did laundry, rode beetles, carried baskets, and drank from mushrooms. They’re just like us! The gnome world has never felt smaller! I mean, it’s always kind of small but “small” is relative. It’s not the size that matters. True dat.
We totally respected the Olney gnomes of Gnomeville because they stayed true to their roots and took care of an endangered species that has little to no effect on the entire rest of the gnome and/or human world.
This chubbster shown here with the squirrels, who goes by Ralph, is my new pen pal. I’m going to try to get him to write a blog post from time to time, but they’ve never heard of the Interweb down there, so this could be a long-term project.
XOXO
Kamikaze The Gnome