Galena, Illinois markets itself as a wholesome, family friendly sort of place. But lately, it’s the absolute last place we’d let our gnome children run around.

A gang of badass biker gnomes have infiltrated northwest Illinois and don’t plan to leave anytime soon.

These exclusive photos were snapped by a master gnome scout while trying to enjoy a vacation in Galena with her husband. Their quaint vacation quickly plagued by fear of violence, lawlessness, and terror.

Due to the badass biker gnomes very recent appearance in this community, we cannot be what they are capable of or exactly how dangerous they are a this point. We are not yet even sure what the motorcycle gang calls themselves. Their activity is being closely monitored by GPD and details will be released once officially confirmed.

At this point, all we really know is that we’re freaked out. These gnomes are not like us and we’re not comfortable with their leather-wearing, sunglass-wearing, motorcycle-riding ways.

So where do these types of gnomes originate, you ask? Our first obvious guess was the South. But we did track down at least one of their points of origin. And it wasn’t too hard either. Apparently, these leather-wearing bad-mouthed degenerates are whoring themselves out on the Interweb!

Despicable.

So Galena, Illinois….be careful out there. While you’re wining, dining, and 69’ing with your sweetheart this holiday season…credible gnomish danger could be just around the corner, ready to slash your ceramic throat with a whip and chain.

Peace be with you, and also with you.
Kamikaze The Gnome

When your life turns to shit…get more gnomes. Gnomes make everything better. We promise.

*This public service announcement is brought to you by the Greater Gnome Health and Wellness Advisory Board. A special shout-out goes to Target….who sells this little bugga for $44.99 (although we like to think that all gnomes are priceless).

My receptionist rescued this one and all his lamp-like glory while picking me up my bath products and oatmeal on her lunch break.

Gnomes = mental health
Mental health = gnomes

Healthily Yours,
Dr. A. Chu, MD, The Gnome

Thanks to one of our very best gnome scouts, we are now aware that our brethren are being marketed as chia pets!

Chia pets are American styled terracotta figurines used to sprout chia,where the chia sprouts grow within a couple of weeks to resemble the animal’s fur or hair. Moistened seeds of chia are applied to the grooved terra cotta figurine body.

But gnomes? Chia gnomes? Really!?

The jury is out on our opinion regarding this matter. Please discuss so we can hold a formal debate and decide whether we are wholeheartedly FOR or AGAINST being grown as chia pets.

Looking forward to your honest opinions,
Ramon LeBeef The Gnome

So apparently, this company called Get Fresh Designs, features a GNOME OF THE DAY on their website!

Here at The Gnome Abode, we like to think that every day is every gnomes’ day. Regardless, we can totally get behind this daily gnome recognition blog.

Get Fresh Designs’ Gnome of the Day Blog

Today’s featured gnome is one with tattoos smoking a cigarette. Yesterday featured a lantern carrier hiding in a shrubbery. The day before was a “fist bumping” gnome (what exactly does a fist bump accomplish, anyway?).

The world takes all types, I suppose.

Happy Friday everyone!
Lurleen Lumpkin Sitting on a Pumpkin, The Gnome