Chug-a-lug, gnomies! Tis the season for lots n’ lots of NOG!
Santa gnome finally showed up. And that baby gnome finally popped out in the manger. So yeah, it’s pretty much a party over here.
Anyhoo – all of us at The Drunk Gnome would like to wish all of you weird Internet stalking weirdos a very merry Christmas.And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, then just look at today as a great excuse to drink without being judged too harshly.
Cheers!
Wondering what to buy that person who has everything for Christmas this year?
A University of Leicester academic has suggested one of history’s most bizarre garden accessories: an ‘ornamental’ hermit.
Professor Gordon Campbell says that ornamental hermits can help you manage your winter blues. And you’d be in good company doing so.” The wealthy 18th century landowners who indulged in the practice would ‘outsource’ their melancholy while enjoying life to the full,” he explained.
This guy investigated the little known history of ornamental hermits and wrote “The Hermit in the Garden: From Imperial Rome to Garden Gnome.”
Sometimes these hermits (i.e. gnomes) were imaginary and sometimes they were REAL! “Hermits were often hired for seven years, required to refrain from cutting their hair or washing and had to live austerely. They could receive up to £600 in return, enough to never work again.”
So what’s this all mean for Christmas, you ask? Well you ask, and I answer.
“It meant that the busy CEO could outsource his melancholy, contemplative side, embodying it in a hermit for hire,” Campbell said. “The ideal of living frugally did not therefore inhibit the good life. It’s a bit like bankers carving turkeys for the homeless on Christmas Day.”
We drunk gnomes are a little suspicious of these ornamental hermits, but it’s certainly an interesting concept to ponder while gazing out the window on a rainy day.
Holiday cheer with a beer,
Kamikaze the gnome
Over here at TheDrunkGnome, we love learning about new gnome-themed books from gnome-loving authors.
Cue Jo Hall, author of a new gnome-themed childrens’ book, “JoJo Gnome and the Smell of Christmas.” Apparently, JoJo lives in a rainy Scottish garden.
Here’s a lil’ blurb about the book:
It’s Christmas time but Grandpa Gnome has a cold. JoJo Gnome tries to help Grandpa enjoy all the wonderful holiday smells. Will Grandpa be able to enjoy the smell of Christmas?
JoJo Gnome and the Smell of Christmas is the second book in the series of books about this cheeky fun little character. JoJo and his friends will appeal to the early years audience. The bright and colourful illustrations will attract younger children, parents and teachers alike. Follow this funny creature through his exiting adventures in a Scottish garden and beyond. The perfect seasonal bedtime story to snuggle up with together and enjoy. Especially suited for younger children age 2-6 years old.
The book’s author and illustrator first introduced the world to this little gnome with an introductory ebook, Meet JoJo Gnome and a follow up JoJo Gnome and the Sound Machine.
The book is targeted at kids between the ages of 3 and 6. But we’re not ashamed. We’ll read anything with the word “gnome” in the title. Expect a book review coming your way in the near future.
Santa Claus may be a gnome impostor, but at least gnomes are making a hearty appearance in Christmas stories this holiday season.
Yours truly,
The Quick Brown Fox the gnome
By Jessica McAllen
“Lorde has a new talent to add to her resume – gnome painting.
On her recent visit home the singing sensation took the time to paint a gnome royal blue to raise money for her local community garden centre in Devonport.
It is being auctioned to raise $1600 for the cost of the centre’s new kitchen facility.
Volunteer, Charlotte Smith, says the centre desperately needed money and had to think beyond the sausage sizzles and baking sales they had relied on so far.
It was her idea to ask Devonport celebrities to contribute something to the community. As well as Lorde, other gnome artists include: Pippa Wetzell, Tim Finn, Paul Ego, Bob Campbell, Jacko Gill, Mike Cohen and Roger Giles.
“I’ve been blown away that they all wanted to do it. Everybody got really creative, these are very busy people that gave up their time to do quite a random challenge.”
She was inspired by the Chelsea Flower Show which lifted its ban on garden gnomes this year and a similar initiative was held where celebrities decorated gnomes to raise money for charity.
The kitchen centre is being used by a school holiday programme, where their tomatoes, lettuce, beetroot and strawberries are put to use.
Community cooking lessons also take place in the kitchen.
Ms Smith has been involved with the garden for five years and says it’s an important place for the community to come together.
“You come here for two hours and get totally absorbed in the garden, it’s very therapeutic.”
To donate to Lorde’s gnome visit the auction on Trade Me here.”
Rom Broomfield, now 79 years old, started collecting gnomes 50 years ago. “I was stressed and someone said get a hobby,” Ron explained. “Seven gnomes caught my eye at a garden center so I got them.”
1,700 gnomes later, Ron is still collecting. What a guy!
Photo credit: Simon Ashton via Sunday Mirror
People say Ron is weird. But he says that there are much weirder things to collect out there, and that his collection makes him smile.
However, that smile hasn’t gotten him a wife. And neither has the thousands of dollars that he believes his collection to be worth. But Ron has something better than a wife…he has a HAREM.
Ron’s harem consists of five “admirers” that he has lunch with at his gnome cottage in Alford, Lincs once a week. When he’s not busy entertaining the harem, Ron takes his gnomes around in a converted shopping trolley (the gnomemobile) and dresses like a gnome himself.
Photo credit: Simon Ashton via Sunday Mirror
If you are blessed enough to have UK television access, check out Ron’s feature on “Excessive and Compulsive Collectors” on December 18th at 8pm on Channel 5.
If anyone defined badass at this very moment, it’s Ron Broomfield. Can we meet you? Can we marry you?
xoxo,
B.S.G.S.G. the MexiGnome