PUBLIC GNOME ANNOUCEMENT

Due to miserably frigid temperatures in and around The Gnome Abode, all the pipes in our community have frozen.

This should come as no surprise to you. Look around.

See those pipes snapped into pieces all over the ground? Notice how your water faucet doesn’t put out any water? That’s what I thought. And that’s what is going on.

Now everybody chill out. Okay, perhaps that was an inappropriate pun. It’s not easy always being the bearer of bad news.

Our Gnomish Fire Department (GFD) is on the job and working as quickly as their frozen ceramic hands possibly can. They’ve got light bulbs, hoses, snails, and a few buckets of water shipped in from the southern hemisphere. They’ve never dealt with a situation quite like this, but I’m sure they’ll do A-Okay.

We will provide you with updates about water usage as they become available.

Until then…drink beer and use perfume.

Your king,
Jerry The Gnome

Generally speaking, gnomes really aren’t into human holidays. We have our own holidays, our own heroes, and we don’t need yours. However, when there is a day off at stake, we will celebrate anything!

Gesundheit.

Since none of us are working today, we have had a lot of time on our hands. I’ve been encouraging everyone to learn a little about the MLK Jr. holiday so we don’t come across to you all as ignorant deadbeats.

A consensus was reached that MLK cards were to be artistically created and mailed to everyone in our address book. A delightful little card company called Card Gnome is a great place to start. We’re still working on this project right now.

We also decided to copy an idea that a few humans from Maine did a few years back. We created “snow gnomes” and placed them outside our courthouse to signify diversity.

It’s no secret that gnomes of darker skin tones are few and far between However, let it be known that the residents of The Gnome Abode welcome you with open ceramic arms! Plus, we’re getting bored starting at each other’s pasty ole’ selves.

While doing some preparatory research for this article, I stumbled upon photographs of a darker version of Sheldon posing around Chicago. Whodathunkit?! Does anyone know who this guy is and how we can get in touch with him?

Civil rights WOO HOO!
The Quick Brown Fox, The Gnome