Chug-a-lug, gnomies! Tis the season for lots n’ lots of NOG!
Santa gnome finally showed up. And that baby gnome finally popped out in the manger. So yeah, it’s pretty much a party over here.
Anyhoo – all of us at The Drunk Gnome would like to wish all of you weird Internet stalking weirdos a very merry Christmas.And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, then just look at today as a great excuse to drink without being judged too harshly.
Cheers!
I won’t hold you in suspense any longer…
It’s Sanford, Florida!
WHO: Gnomes and humans dressed up like gnomes
WHAT: The 3rd annual Hysterical Tour of Gnomes
WHEN: This Saturday, December 7th from 3-9pm
WHY: Inherently weird people in this Orlando suburb are making fun of the Historic Tour of Homes. According to the Orlando Sentinel, “Instead of strolling through snooty rich people’s houses, revelers on the Tour of Gnomes will stumble through Bad Monkey Tavern (105 W. Second St.),Little Fish Huge Pond (401 S. Sanford Ave.) and three other Sanford bars while dressed as gnomes (or elves, or trolls, or leprechauns — the barkeeps aren’t picky). There will be a costume contest, so sharpen up that pointy hat.”
WHERE: I just typed the addresses above, dum dum.
C’mon people this is a no-brainer. It only costs 10 bucks and you can drink and look like one of us. See ya there?
xoxo,
Ceasar the Florida-bound gnome
CASE NO.: 29831 1/2
DATE: December 4, 2013
REPORTING OFFICER: Sgt. SpeakNoGnome
DETAIL OF EVENT: An unidentified gnome wearing little more than heart-shaped boxers was spotted on the corner of Mushroom Lane and Miniature Boulevard this morning at approximately 11:32 am. Said gnome wore a bathroom and opened it to expose an unmentionable atrocity at female gnomes standing around minding their own business.
SUSPECT IN QUESTION: We currently have no leads. A paparazzi photograph is shown below, however, we have no name to place with the….ahem….face. Any information should be directed to www.thedrunkgnome.com or [email protected]. A handsome reward may be offered.
ACTIONS TAKEN: None. I’m still trying to wash the shock and shame from my little gnome eyes.
SUMMARY: There’s a flasher on the loose! No gnome needs to see this. If you can identify this exposed individual, please contact GPD immediately.
Pilgrims, Indians, and gnomes are reenacting the first Thanksgiving for you…even though none of these parties have actually celebrated together in the history of space and time. Because who doesn’t enjoy an inaccurate and somewhat offensive historical reenactment around this time of year?! Cheers!
On behalf of all the drunk gnomes, I’d like to wish you all a Happy Freaking Thanksgiving!
To keep up with the holiday spirit, here are a few things we’re thankful about this year:
Yep, that about sums it up. Now go eat a bunch of stuff. Okey-dokey toot-a-loo.
Next up – LIVE reporting from the feasting table!
Thank you, and you, and I guess you as well.
Ramon LeBeef the Gnome
It’s a snowy day over here at The Gnome Abode. Days like this motivate me to do little more than take swigs from a bottle of rum while writing bad poetry. Dr. A-Choo thinks it’s seasonal depressive disorder. My buddies just think I need to man up and buy a winter coat.
My flamingo girlfriend, Noodle Sauce, hates to see me bummed out. So she came home today with a shopping bag full of games. Games about gnomes!
Did you know that there even was such a thing?!
Here’s a few of my favorites that she brought home. Of course, they’re pun-tastic…
Noodles, who’s apparently an avid gamer (I had no idea!) was also telling me about a Kickstarter project, A Game of Gnomes: The Garden of Seedin’. Apparently, it didn’t reach it’s fundraising goal in time. But they were asking for $10,000?! What expensive gnomes you have!
Well I must say that gnome-themed board games have perked up my mood. If you’re needing a little boost today as well, check out some of these or make up one of your own. And then invite me to play!
Game on, gamers…
DJ Spaghetti Sauce