Category Archives: World Traveler Gnomes

A travel blog about all the places we get to see when Master Alyssa lets us tag along

Small Town Gnoming: You Gnomed, We Gnoticed

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Hey cowboys…it’s your favorite badass biker chick, Trixie, here. I know you miss me, and I miss you too. It’s hard keeping up with blogging when you’re out on your hog all the time. Sadly, summertime is coming to an end so it seems my rides will become fewer and farther between 🙁

I just got back from an epic ride around Starved Rock State Park. For gnomes that live in this very dull corner of the world, the park is one of the most beautiful you can find in riding distance. There were a TON of bikers out and about when I cruised through.

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In a weird little place called Ottowa, I made a few friends. This place was a great example of gnomes and humans existing in small town harmony. Human yards were filled with gnomes here, and gnomes expressed genuine pleasure about their lives.

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I chatted with a few of these dudes and we set out to find a place to watch the Bears game. We could only find one sports bar open, which unfortunate. Although it was crowded with drunk, yelling humans, we don’t take up much room and were able to squeeze in and up to the bar. The selection was meh, but the company made up for it.

I’ve biked through a lot of places, but small towns like Ottowa, Illinois seem to be the most gnome friendly. Do you live in a gnome-friendly town? If you don’t, I would suggest packing up and moving immediately. Gnome-friendliness is a sure sign of an overall good place to call home.

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Rev up your engines for another ride, gnomies, because the sun is shining and the next journey is ON!

Peace,
Trixie the Gnome

P.S. – Rumor has it that the next journey is in a place that begins with “Tex” and ends with “as.”

Gnome Collection World Record Holder, Ann Atkin, is our hero!

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Happy Friday, Gnomies!

If you do one thing right today, do this. Watch this BBC interview with our hero, Ann Atkin. She has an amazing story and there is so much gnome eye candy in the background of this interview.

Ann

She has over 2,000 gnomes in her English reserve and we want to visit with each and every one of them more than anything in the world. Why are flight prices to Europe so dang expensive?! It’s not like we even take up a whole seat on the plane!

Le sigh.

I’m going to go drown my financial sorrows away in a flask of rum and watch that video a few more times.

Tootaloo!
Kamikaze the Gnome

 

Scooter Dude Schools Us About German Gnomes

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Greetings gnome news followers!

It’s not every day that we learn something from a dude on a scooter. Apparently this guy, Michael Wigge, is scootering around Germany and teaching the world things along the way.

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Seriously, people. You HAVE to see this to believe it.

This is what we learned today from scooter dude:

  1. There are over 25,000 gnomes in Germany (we have no idea how that number was calculated and we won’t ask if you don’t).
  2. More than half of Germans don’t think of gnomes as mere ornaments. Thank you. At least someone understands us.
  3. Gräfenroda is the birthplace of the mass produced gnome. Mass production! Hooray!
  4. Scooters never look cool, no matter what.
  5. There’s a gnome museum in Thuringia. OMG travel list updated!

GermanyMuseumA gnome’s day is never complete unless a super important thing has been learned. Thanks scooter dude. We’ll take back our comment about scooters not being cool. At least to your face.

Tootaloo!
DoorsOpenOnTheLeftAtClarkAndLake the Gnome

 

Sneak Peak: A Visit to New York’s Gnome Chomsky

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Seasons greetings!

Perhaps you read one of our articles awhile back about visiting the world’s largest concrete gnome in Ames, Iowa. Well, here at The Drunk Gnome, we like to pay our respects to first runner ups as well.

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I, Rubber, got to visit the SECOND largest concrete gnome in the world!!!

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Our writing team (who writes real good n’ stuff) is preparing a fancy-schmancy article to publish in the International Gnome Club newsletter. But you know what? They’re slow as shit, and I can’t wait any longer to share our pictures with you!

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His name is Gnome Chomsky and he lives at Kelder’s Farms in upstate New York. He’s 13 feet and 6 inches tall, which is a hell of a lot bigger than I am.

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I think those writer gnomes are gonna do a little bit on the gift shop and the mini golf course too. I express myself better in pictures, so hopefully they don’t get all pissy on me for spoiling their thunder.

Wait. Does thunder really go bad?

Blah-idy blah blah,
Rubber the photojournalist gnome

Why Gnomes Make Okay Hood Ornaments: A Fable

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Once upon a time, there was a little gnome with a taste for adventure. While all his brothers and cousins were content sitting around the garden, he yearned to see the world coming at him from 70 mph.

He considered riding the coattails of the Travelocity gnome, but he remembered his tendency to get air sickness and quickly reconsidered the notion. He petitioned the gnomish government and secured a high-ranking position as a hood ornament on a bright blue Jeep.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThanks to a hefty dose of epoxy, he little gnome rode on the the front of the Jeep for a full year. One day the bright blue Jeep fell ill and started flashing the “check engine” light on the dash. The little gnome was a little concerned, yet still confident that his trusty Jeep would pull through okay.

When the Jeep’s condition worsened, he checked into auto rehab. Despite his tiny size, the Jeep simply didn’t have enough strength to hold the gnome up any longer. The gnome was sad, but now understood how serious his ride’s condition must be.

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Slowly but surely, the rehab nurses restore the Jeep’s health. However they forgot to reattach the gnome on the front bumper when they released him back out into the wild. The Jeep could hear the little gnome sobbing from inside the glove compartment and felt terrible about cheating his best friend out of an exciting drive.

Without a moment’s notice, the Jeep slammed its brakes and spun around 360-degrees. The motion caused the the glove compartment to pop open, freeing the gnome from captivity. Once the gnome toppled onto the passenger seat, he was able to crawl out the open window and position himself on the front of the Jeep. Pulling a miniature tube of epoxy out of his back pocket, the gnome squirted a dollop on his bum and settled in for a long summer’s ride.

The End.