Vote for a Silver Gnome!

Howdy ho.

We don’t talk about her a lot because well, she’s a human and this blog is for gnomes…by gnomes. But our master and goddess of all gnomekind, Gnomeplaya, originates from a weird little town called Olney, Illinois that is known for its albino squirrels. I couldn’t have made that up if I tried. They’re also kinda known for their gnomes.

Anyhoo. I came across an article today while browsing the Internet from the Olney Daily Mail newspaper. A pleasant gentleman wrote in requesting votes on whether he should leave his gnome coated in silver paint or paint over it with traditional colors.

Silvergnome

Well, have you asked the gnome himself yet?! Because that’s be a great starting point!

Formalities aside, we at The Drunk Gnome hereby vote for letting this little guy stay silver. Like human, gnomes don’t all come in the same shape, size, and color. We are diverse and that’s what makes us unique and beautiful. Sure, traditional gnomes have red hats and blue coats. But says who?! No gnome governing body exists that demands we all sport the same colors on our exquisite ceramic, plastic, and wooden selves.

Among the hundreds of gnomes that live here at The Gnome Abode, none of us are silver. So I say, if this guy wants to be silver, then let him be silver. To be honest, I’m actually a little jealous of his even skin tone.

Hope that helps, Kevin. And we also hope your wife comes to her senses.

Sincerely yours,
Kamikaze the Gnome

 

Dogs and Gnomes! On Video! Making Out!

dvdr_gnomeo_julietPerhaps you recognize me from my Hollywood days. These days I go by Tabitha, but I used to be known by my screen name, Juliet.

Contrary to what you might think, Gnomeo and I weren’t romantically involved off-screen. In real life, I’m engaged to The Gnome Adode’s king, Jerry…in case you forgot.

Gnomeo and I haven’t really kept in touch since our days on the big screen. However, like most former co-workers, we like to stalk each other on the Internet. You can imagine my surprise when I saw this video, which was taken in Yamba, Australia.

http://vimeo.com/70853961

Watch it, seriously. I mean, what the hell was this dude doing in the middle of the street? He should really know better than that. Gnomeo & Juliet had all sorts of gnomes getting smashed and injured. Some bastards never learn.

doggnome

And apparently, now he’s making out with dogs?! Clearly, he’s abandoned all his standards.

Not that I’m bitter or anything. I mean, why should I care. I’m engaged TO THE KING for gnomessake!

But I dunno….should I really contact this fish & burger bar so help him find his way home? Or would that look desperate? Or give him the wrong impression?

Working relationships are difficult…

Ugh,
Tabitha the gnome

Hot off the press! International Gnome Club Newsletter – Issue 2-2013

Wait no more!

The moment you’ve been waiting for all your life has arrived!

Issue 2-2013 of the International Gnome Newsletter has arrived!!!

GnomeNewsletter#2-2013

richOne particularly interesting thing I learned about from the newsletter is Gnome Countryside in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. This guy Rich, who goes by “The Gnomeman,” talks about diabetes, meditation, and gnomes in this interview.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vAbylgFFZk

Who would have ever put those three things together? This guy….right here.

gnome countryside_img_0568Dude says he hasn’t ever actually seen a gnome, which seems a little hypocritical in my professional opinion. But regardless, it looks like he has a pretty sweet gig going on over in Amish country. I’ve officially added Gnome Countryside to my travel to-do list.

Wanna stay on top of all the latest gnome news and tip-offs like The Gnomeman’s little wilderness retreat? Join the International Gnome Club and find your sense of self-worth again!

xoxo,
Spechelle the Gnome

*Photo credit: Susquehanna Style

Ex-cop and bailiff accused of breaking neighbor’s window with garden gnome

*Shared from the Sun Sentinel because well, we just had to…

By Barbara HijekFloriDUH7:20 a.m. EDT, July 8, 2013

sfl-flduh-garden-gnome-20130707-001

This 71-year-old retired bailiff and former New York cop should’ve gnome better.

Robert Willmarth, 71, of Jensen Beach, is accused of hurling a cement gnome statue through a neighbor’s window and is also a suspected of setting fires to homes and cars in his own neighborhood, reports The Palm Beach Post.

After detectived showed Willmarth a surveillance video of him throwing the garden gnome into a window of his neighbor’s home while they were away on vacation, he allegedly told them he did it because the neighbor had “just busted my chops the other day,” according to the report.

It sounds like he needed some chop busting.

It’s also not the first time somebody used a garden gnome to committ a crime –  Woman accused of striking man with garden ornament.

People, people…please! Just use a rock and leave us out of it!!!

Signing off,
Humps the Gnome

Classified Ad: Knitted/Cloth Gnomes Wanted

I read an article today about knitted gnomes helping to raise a bunch of gnomes for some blokes in England. We sure are the philanthropists, aren’t we?!

Those gnomes were raising money for some dumb school, but that’s not the point of this blog post. Where are these knitted gnomes hiding and how can we get more of them to join our Travel and Adventure department?

photo (21)

Fragile ceramic gnomes are getting injured every day in the line of duty. Knitted gnomes would be much more suited for the travel industry because of their seemingly unbreakable nature.

I hereby call out to all gnomes made of cloth-like fabric to SHOW YOURSELVES!

Even if you’re a stuffed Santa Claus (i.e. gnome poser), our talented physician specializes in a brand new (never been tried) transformational surgery that will have you looking more gnome-like in no time.

knit1

Travel and Adventure Gnome Specialists get an opportunity to see the world in a way that average garden and woodland gnomes only dream of.

Knitted Gnomes

Submit your resume via blog post today and put your cloth-like exterior to use for once!

Sincerely,
King Jerry of the Gnomes

 

Photo credit: Gingerbread Cottage