Regardless of your musical tastes, you’ve got to hand it to Sir Elton John for his work in the gnome community.

Elton recently decorated a gnome to put on display at the Royal Horticultural Society Chelsea Flower Show later this month. This is what Elton’s gnomish creation looked like. Pretty snazzy, eh?

But this isn’t the first time that Elton has crossed paths with gnomes. If you recall, he dressed up (in animated form) as Paris, the rock star gnome character in Gnomeo & Juliet. This gnomishly delicious film was produced by his very own film company, Rocket Pictures.

Elton’s sequined creation wearing over-sized glasses is up for auction at the prestigious flower show, which starts on May 21st. We’re all waiting in anticipation to see what rich bastard makes the winning bid. We’re assuming in advance that Elton Gnome is out of our budget.

With this all being said, I can’t help but ask aloud the question that we all are silently suppressing. Is Elton John really just a gnome in disguise? I mean look at this guy. How can you describe him as anything BUT gnome-like?

Chew on that for awhile as your Friday afternoon ticks by.

Yours Truly,
Lennon the Gnome

Have you seen the most recent ad from everyone’s favorite mediocre furniture company? I hate to expose you to the horrific nature of this ad, but I just thought you should be aware of what’s going on in the backrooms of those hideous blue and yellow consumerism warehouses.

Without further ado…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=S9xROONPy6Y#at=12

Let me just say that the gnomes lived on this property first. The dumb blonde-haired man and woman are nothing more than unwelcome intruders and violating trespassers.

Secondly, the gnomes never used violent force to provoke the undue violence inflected upon them in return. So what if a gnome kicked over your chair? Don’t smash him. So what a gnome wants to hump your leg? Let him! You might end up liking it too.

Lastly, this is not the end of the story. There are just as many gnomes as dumb blonde humans with disposable furniture around the world. The fight has just begun. And until it gets more intense, we refuse to stand next to, sit upon, or even lay eyes on a piece of your shitty material goods, IKEA.

SO THERE!

We demand that you retract your ad and issue a public policy to gnomes worldwide. We don’t like your furniture and we don’t like your elitist attitude.

Sincerely and disgruntled,
Kamikaze the Gnome

Although not all of us gnomes do gardening (actually, most of us dreadfully despise  manual labor!), gnomes are often associated with garden shows, which most frequently take place in the spring.

The sixth annual Isle of Wight Spring Garden Show totally happened at the Robin Hill Adventure Park and Gardens last weekend. We were there. Were you?

Pish posh to the flowers. What about the gnomes, you ask?! And so did we.

According to the Isle of Wight County Press, “Bestival’s Rob and Josie da Bank were guest gnome chiefs, in charge of judging the ‘Pimp a Gnome’ competition, in aid of the garden show’s nominated charity, the Earl Mountbatten Hospice.” They gave awards for the most amazing children’s gnome and the most amazing adult gnome.

Pimp a Gnome?! Don’t let those Brits have all the fun! YOU TOO can pimp a gnome. So whether or not your town is fancy (or foreign) enough to have a garden gnome, bring out the gnomes! They’re everywhere these days. I cringe as I type this, but you can even find them at (cringe) Wal-Mart.

Put down the shovel and pick up the ceramic.

Tootaloo,
Cowabunga the Gnome

Photo credit: Jennifer Burton.